Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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