New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
