Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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