just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize