Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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