ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
