it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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