I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
wrigley field is MILF paradise
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
