i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
