hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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