My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
