You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
