I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
