there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
