i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
