Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
