So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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