Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
