Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
