i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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