And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
