I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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