apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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