I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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