i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
