im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
