Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone came in the potted fern
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
