do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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