it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
