she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
