In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
