So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
