If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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