before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
