the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
