I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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