am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
