ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
