thus making me awesome and them whores
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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