I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
