Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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