even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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