God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
