Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
