He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
