It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
They have beer where we have blood.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
