i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
