you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
