i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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