No I am not eating basil off your cock
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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