I didn't shave. On purpose
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
