NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
