idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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