My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
