the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
