Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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